Bloated Writing
As we start off the New Year of 2008, I thought I’d deal with a recurring problem all professors have with some students: Bloated Writing.
Some students have the faulty idea that good writing means big words and convoluted sentences. Actually, good writing is writing that simply and clearly communicates the intent of the author.
Who Failed? You Did!
If your reader cannot understand what you have written, you failed. The whole point of writing something is to communicate information to others. If your readers do not understand the information, then you have not accomplished your task.
Concerning this issue, William Zinsser says:
“It won’t do to say that the reader is too dumb or too lazy to keep pace with the train of thought. If the reader is lost, it’s usually because the writer hasn’t been careful enough.”
Too often when I tell students, “I do not understand what you are attempting to say in this sentence (or this paragraph),” they respond by saying, “Well, I know what I mean by it.” The problem with this, of course, is that the whole point of writing something is to communicate information to others, not to yourself. Presumably, you already know the information. Your job in writing is to make it understandable to your readers.
One writer actually tried to defend his poor writing style by saying that we should not make the reader the gauge of whether or not we have accomplished our goal as writers. To this I responded by saying, “Then why write at all?” If we are not communicating information through the medium of writing, why write? What other purpose for writing could there possibly be?
Choose The Simple Over The Complex
Too often students think that if they can toss in a few big or unfamiliar words into their writings, then their papers will be better. In fact, just the opposite is true. All writers should remember this tip: “Write to express not to impress.”
Big and unfamiliar words do not impress your reader. In fact, instead of being impressed, I am often amused at best and annoyed at worst by students who attempt to use big or complex words and end up misusing them. Also, big and unfamiliar words may serve to confuse rather than enlighten the average reader. And, if this happens, you have failed as a writer.
There are at least two ways to say something: (1) the obtuse and convoluted way, and (2) the clear and easy way. Here are a couple of examples:
Way one: “An ornithological specimen in digital captivity is of greater value than double said specimen in dense foliage.”—Rick Walston
Way two: “A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush.”
Not only does the second sentence use six fewer words, but the author has also chosen simple words over complex ones. There should be no doubt that way two is the better way to express this thought. Here's another example:
Way one: “Branches from heavy foliage and jagged geological specimens may fracture my skeletal structure; however, inaccurate syntactical descriptions of my personage, heritage, or personality will never damage my psyche.”—Rick Walston
Way two: “Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me.”
Again, “way two” is the better way to express this thought. This next interesting example is from a 1974 Fiat 124 Spyder owner’s manual (or, at least that's what I was told):
Way one: “Ideogram illumination intensity adjustment potentiometer.” Way two: “Dimmer Switch.”
Technical words, be they in theology, philosophy, apologetics, ministry, etc., must (occasionally) be used. So, I am not advocating that all words be simple. What I am advocating is that the nontechnical words in your writing should be just that, nontechnical.
There are a lot of words, terms, and phrases that people use to sound more sophisticated, but it ends up just making them sound silly, or, worse, pretentious.
Some of the worst writing comes from lawyers. Some of them use terms and phrases such as "aforementioned"; "above mentioned"; "the latter"; "the former"; "aforesaid"; and the ever popular “hereinafter" — yada, yada, yada. More than one person has refered to this "lawyer writing" as lawyerese. Here's an example:
Way one: The man in the street says: "If it ain't broke, don't fix it."
Way two: The lawyer writes: "Insofar as manifestations of functional deficiencies are agreed by any and all concerned parties to be imperceivable, and are so stipulated, it is incumbent upon said heretofore mentioned parties to exercise the deferment of otherwise pertinent maintenance procedures."
And the police often have a bloated way of speaking; they say things like, "At that point in time, the vehicle was traveling at a high rate of speed." They should say, "Then, the car was going fast."
Recently I was watching an episode of COPS, and one policeman actually said something like this:
"When we apprehended the gentleman, his companion exited the vehicle and proceeded on foot northbound at a high rate of speed. Officer Johnson gave foot pursuit and contained him within 15 yards.”
Oh, man . . . what? Here's the translation . . .
“We yanked the scumbag from the car and his numb-nuts buddy took off running but he didn’t get far because Johnson tackled him.”
Way to go Johnson!
MEGO
Every professor and every editor has suffered from MEGO (my eyes glaze over). The bloated, and often pretentious, writing that some people do cause their readers to simply zone out—their eyes glaze over and all they see are black letters on a white sheet of paper.
Put Down Your Thesaurus and Back Away
I have told many students to stop relying so heavily upon their thesaurus. In some cases it seems that the student may have looked up a big word for every fifth word. However, what they must come to realize is that the sometimes the synonymous words they use instead of the simple words do not have the same nuance, and students sometimes end up using the wrong word for a certain context. Some writers also try to use 50-cent words to make themselves sound sophisticated. But, the rule of thumb of good writing is never use a 50-cent word when a nickel-word will do.
In closing, here are a few quotes that are apropos, er, ah, I mean fitting . . .
“Contrary to what some people seem to believe, simple writing is not the product of simple minds. A simple, unpretentious style has both grace and power. By not calling attention to itself, it allows the reader to focus on the message.”—Richard Lederer
“Simplicity is the ultimate sophistication.”— Leonardo da Vinci
“Any fool can make things bigger, more complex. It takes a touch of genius—and a lot of courage—to move in the opposite direction.”—Albert Einstein
“When I feel an impulse to use a marvelously exotic word, I just lie down until the impulse goes away.”—Unknown
“A sentence should contain no unnecessary words, a paragraph no unnecessary sentences, for the same reason that a drawing should have no unnecessary lines and a machine no unnecessary parts.”—William Strunk
“Think like a wise man but communicate in the language of the people.”— William Butler Yeats
"The written word is like a mirror. A mirror only calls attention to itself when it is ornate or flawed. The best writing never calls attention to itself but simply reflects what the author intends to convey."—Ric Walston
==================
The professor is "graded" by his professor Here, below, is a email that I just got from one of my former professors. He was one of the few who took a major interest in my writing and helped me along the way:
Ric,
A closely related topic to the one about pompous writing is the matter of filling space with underbrush of unnecessary words. I find myself putting in things that may be okay for conversation but are really not necessary in print. "In light of the fact that…" is an example of underbrush. Starting off lead paragraphs with dull and imprecise terms is in same category: "There are three…," being an example. "There are" can be chopped in order to start with a distinct noun or set of nouns followed by a verb that shows action or relationship. You have covered some helpful communication information in this CT. Not many students try to expose their megoism, but they certainly stand out when they show up.—DC
And, here's one from a CES faculty member:
This "Java Verbalization" was astoundingly well elucidated. —Carmen
A reader from Canada states:
I read your latest CT and it made me smile. I have encountered many authors who feel that by putting in Latin or Greek phrases it somehow strengthens their argumentation when just placing in the English would have done the trick. You might be interested to know that of the words of Christ, as recorded in the Gospels, 84.4% where one syllable, 14.2% where two syllables, and 1.4% where more than two syllables.—Rudi
